Why Them and Not Me?
Have you ever asked yourself that question – “Why Them & Not Me?”. It applies to a variety of scenarios and situations. For instance, why did they get the job & not me? Why did the NY Giants win the Super Bowl and not the New England Patriots? Why does my special needs child have to go through these challenges & not me? That question – “Why Them and Not Me?” – came up a few times on a recent episode of Blue Bloods. The Police Commissioner’s former partner died from injuries sustained during the 9/11 attacks. They were both First Responders during the attacks, putting their lives on the line; one ultimately sacrificed his life, suffering through a devastating illness and later succumbing. The Police Commissioner (Tom Selleck) questions his own mortality asking the question, “Why Them & Not Me?” – -“Why did thousands die and I survived?”
“Why Them & Not Me” is a question I ask myself even 20+ years after the deaths of my first husband and, 3 years later, our son. During this month of February, I find myself asking that question more frequently because on February 28th, my son Erick would have been celebrating his 23rd birthday. For any parent who has experienced the death of their child, significant dates like birthdays bring on a host of emotions and questions (“Why my child and not me?”). An excellent way to express and channel those emotions is to use a journal to write down the feelings you’re experiencing — it’s very cathartic. Be sure to talk about the things you’re going through with a close friend or family member — someone you trust to handle your innermost feelings with great care. Finally, cherish the wonderful memories you have of your child, focusing on a celebration of the life they lived, because they live on in our hearts each and every day.
How do you celebrate the life of your child?